Where is she now.

Well the rumours are true, Phoenix has once again tugged on my heart strings and nudged at my spirit to make the trip South. I had originally booked a flight way in advance for January 8th 2019, thinking I would have my life together at this point and be able to travel freely, fully confident in all aspects of my life.

However, this came to be not true at all. I had my biggest breakdown in a while, right on New Years Eve. Of all the times I could have a breakdown right? It was my rock bottom, it was a low, dark, scary place where my mind was screaming at me from every angle, where I felt numb but also in excruciating pain in my gut from the place I was in. I was unhappy with my relationship to self, I was feely depleted in my relationship, I felt completely alone in what I was going through and felt as though I was a complete burden to my poor family who welcomed in a sobbing, cold energy from the Winnipeg night minutes before the clock struck midnight. This was my story. This was my past. But I choose to release it. I choose to rewrite my story. To create a life where I feel aligned, balanced and healthy so that my spirit doesn’t fall into that self-dug hole anymore.

The next day I took it upon myself to face my confrontations, to face my fears of those confrontations and to do the responsible thing. To talk it out, feel it out and make goals on how to better improve myself for next time. While all of this was happening I was also going through a huge move, emotionally un-attaching from so many material items like my bed, a lot of clothes, plants I’ve grown for the past 2 years, artwork, etc. You name it, I sorted through it, donated most of my things, saw them be gifted to new homes and mentally and emotionally felt so drained from seeing my nest, my comfort zone, slowly break a part, bit by bit, right before my eyes. As the days passed, I tried to readjust to my new living situation in a community home. I found myself sleeping in, my spirit and energy still so low and feeling overwhelmed by the change in my lifestyle and also physically aggravated by my cat allergy. It came to a point where I had to make the decision whether to keep my flight the same, even though I was broke, in a low place, had no connections and was feeling completely fearful and unsure of the length of the trip or to change my flight and get myself sorted first in Winnipeg, get financially stable and then head to the sunny desert.

After, many many hours of deep reflection, I came to my decision. I would board the plane within 24 hours and make it work. I craved the raw energy of the sun, to feel the warmth on my skin once again, to be in a brand new environment where no one knew who I was, to smell the desert air, to be free to make my own choices and live by my own rules. To prioritize, soothe and look after me, myself and I. So I did just that. I packed my things again all into one backpack along with my hoop bag and boarded my 7AM flight.

As the plane took off and I peered out my window, the sun was just rising over tiny Winnipeg and a warm beautiful energy took over my heart and spirit and lit me up from the inside and I knew in that moment that I made the right decision.

So here I am, raw, authentic, just little ol’ me in the heart of Arizona. Planning hikes, meet-ups with inspiring people, training sessions for the hoop contest and spending a lot of time meditating, journaling and reflecting on what ignites my spirit. I am here until the 11th of February and have already been making a great turn around within my inner self. There are times where I feel lonely and I miss my comfort of being back home around my family, my partner and those who I feel safe with but my spirit craves growth. It’s at its peak where it wants to heal from the past, from family lineages, from my stories, from my mind and from societal norms. It wants to break free and break open to bring in more self-compassion, more compassion for others and ultimately more compassion for the globe and all that is intertwined within it.

Through yoga and meditation, I am learning how to distance myself from my thoughts, to observe my mind and to let go of its stories that it creates. And let me tell ya, my mind is one active phenomenon. But slowly, as the days pass, It’s starting to get more and more silent, it’s starting to get the hang of stillness, it’s starting to relax and flow and let go. Which is huge for someone like me, who has only known for as long as she could remember, having an overactive, anxious, unbalanced mind where the smallest thing could set it off.

I haven’t been out exploring too much yet, I’ve just been settling in my peaceful AirBNB, nourishing my body with organic foods form a local farmers market, meditating each day, training each day and working on my business and working on my inner self. It’s been a great process so far and I’m so incredibly grateful to those who have been supporting me on this trip thus far, those who are encouraging me to keep on. How beautiful. When you feel completely alone, you really aren’t. It’s usually just a story your mind is creating and that thought is a scary thought because it can snowball so huge, to the point of no return. It’s extremely important to re-write, re-wire that story as soon as possible and to realize that abundance is all around us, that we are connected to all of it, to our own source, we are our own universe, the universe is all around us and we are truly blessed to be in this moment, just as we are, right now.

I don’t know what the future holds, I can’t predict what the future will bring and I don’t plan on dwelling on it for too long. I’m too busy making this present moment count, I’m listening to my breath, I’m feeling my body, I’m feeling my emotions and I’m listening as closely as I can to my spirit.

I wish you all well in where your journey is at this point in this lifetime. If any of these words have resonated with you and you would like to chat, please do not hesitate to send me a message, I would love to connect with you so that we can learn from each other. Stay tuned for future posts, subscribe so you don’t miss a post and also consider checking out and subscribing to the Youtube channel where I also share my story through visual art.

Love you all,
– Shan

2019 MANIFESTATIONS

Well 2018’s Winter Solstice has come and gone and now the concept of a new calendar year has also passed. In these times, I often go through an “end of year” reflection and set intentions and manifestations for moving forward.

Instead of setting resolutions, I write out all that I would love to manifest in that year and set daily or weekly action plans to get me closer to those goals. This year I thought I would try something different and write down all of my intentions and manifestations in the present tense, as if I already have all of it. As if it is already reality. For these are powerful ways we can manifest the dreams we desire, these are powerful mantras that will help in attracting the vibrations that will aid us in the process of magically bringing our manifestations to life!

I challenge all of you who are reading this, to write down your new years intentions and things you would love to manifest but write them down in the present tense. For example, if you want to be more fit, write down, “I am the healthiest, strongest and most flexible I’ve ever been”.

I will share mine below and I hope to create a video around this as well over on my youtube channel. it’s also important that we continue to say these out loud as often as we can, or to revisit and read them over as often as we can. Let’s make this a year of self revolution and self compassion and manifest a global community, a global shift toward healing and love. Good luck to you all in your manifestation journey’s!

✺ I have a beautiful 6 figure business which brings together community, empowerment, impactful change and all lead by love.

✺ I make space for things that bring me joy.

✺ I am financially stable and abundant with the flexibility to move and travel freely.

✺ I love myself.

✺ I am confident in myself in all aspects of mind, body, emotions and spirit.

✺ I have beautiful, strong, long nails.

✺ I have a dancing regalia which makes me feel like a badass gorgeous queen.

✺ I know my limits and I know my boundaries.

✺ I travel often with deep, meaningful, authentic experiences.

✺ I have healed, clear, glowing skin.

✺ I have a successful blog/website which attracts a large audience. I also have an abundance of dedicated subscribers on Youtube.

✺ I significantly reduced my waste and impact on the planet.

✺ I am healthy, the strongest I’ve ever been, glowing, the most flexible I’ve ever been and have found a balance in my diet that sustains me in all that I do.

✺ I have close, inspiring, powerful friends. I am surrounded by utmost support.

✺ I attract great vibes and only exciting opportunities, people and circumstances in my life.

✺ I am able to effectively and courageously sound my voice, stand by my decisions and know what I want and communicate all of this.

✺ I am letting go.

✺ My path is clear, I am level headed and focused.

✺ I have a base, a foundation which I can come back to and ground.

A Reflective Flow in Honour of Winter Solstice

The silence and stillness of early morning enchanting in all its glory in the winter air. The crisp snow, beneath my feet, crunching as I stride forward, letting the piercing wind kiss my skin. Allowing my mind to drift, the calmness of the rising sun, melting beautiful space within my mind, a clear head, a love for that peculiar moment. An acceptance of this state within my own journey. Feeling a pulsating creative energy move through my body, teasing my mind, lighting up my heart.

As the end of another calendar year creeps closer. Reflecting on magical adventures, past love and heartache, the lows and the highs, the tides and the floods. The lessons learned, the intuition followed, the passions that guided me, the prayers that kept me safe. The shifts in my thinking, the impacts and ripples sent out through intentional love. It’s amazing how much you can actually experience within 365 days. It’s amazing to discover and uncover the truth of manifestation and law of attraction. To discover that magic and power within you. To feel that universe residing within deep on a soul level, to look around and realize the connectedness of it all, the aliveness of it all, the magic within it all.

Growing up, I’ve always strived with one mission; to help people. I was always occupied on helping the other like mothering my baby brother, nursing injured butterflies, gifting beautiful humans with things even if I didn’t have much myself. It’s been a great year, as I began to shift my awareness to also creating that space to help myself. To truly embrace an impactful adventure of self-love and self-compassion. To truly accept and become aware of the negative self-sabotage, the negative self-image or patterns of covering my emotions. I learned how to breathe, I learned how to not be ashamed of my tears but to celebrate them, I learned how to move my body in ways that distinguished negativity and instead invited positivity in. I learned how to look myself in the eyes with pure love, I learned how to feel my own energy and move it toward my visions. I learned how to say no, I learned how to master manifestation. I learned how to dance with my demons.

Now, that’s not to say that that I’m perfect. In fact, I’m very imperfectly perfect. There were days that I felt so low, that I wanted to give up on all my ambitions and ideas, there were days that I would find myself in that low pit of negative self-sabotage again and struggle to dig myself back out, there were days where I didn’t want to get out bed, there were days where I cried so loud and allowed myself to feel that pain. We’re human. Days like this will happen, it’s all a part of the healing process, it’s all teaching us something, it’s catapulting us toward the life we want to create. It’s all showing us our power.

As the shifts in the season and the moon make themselves apparent, I too cannot help but to embrace those shifts within. To revisit my passions, ideas and goals to make sure I am moving toward a life where I feel most aligned. In this new calendar year, I hope to create bigger and better strides to the higher self I imagine. A higher self that continues to make space to listen to her heart, to create safe spaces where I can fall silent and invite the stillness in. To create a community of like-minded people, to find more creative soul mates and friends. To go on more epic adventures and to build a life full of magic, abundance, love, flexibility, creativity, alignment, empowerment and all of the other beautiful compassionate adjectives that get me excited.

If any of what I have wrote, resonated with you. Please consider joining me side-by-side on the blog, the youtube channel and even Instagram. Also please feel free to send me a message if you so feel called to share anything with me, I would love to connect with you. In fact, I would be honoured. Also, make sure to keep your eyes peeled for coming announcement of exciting endeavours and ideas that I have planned for the new year.

Love you,

– Shan